Last week was an extremely emotional and exhausting week, so it really was no surprise to me that over the weekend I fell apart and made terrible dietary choices and as a result I feel not only disappointed, but sick to my stomach from nasty food.
Last Sunday I ran out of my hormone medication from my hysterectomy I had in December. I will be on this medication for at least the forseeable future, and I found out the hard way how vital it is for me at this point in my healing. I called to refill my prescription and was told that it was backordered and they would get it as soon as possible. Since I have never been without it, I really had no idea how much I would need it. By Tuesday I was having hot flashes like I was going to burn to ashes on the spot, and my emotions were so erratic I laughed at something not even funny at one moment and cried at a Cottenelle commercial the next. My poor daughter was very confused at this bizarre Mommy behavior, especially since I am normally very mellow emotionally. My husband handled it all like a champ even though I can only imagine how frustrating and confusing it was for him. Sadly craving for foods were increased by about 100%, but I was able to deny them for the most part. My sleep patterns suffered the worst. I averaged about 4 hours total in a 24 hour period, so you can imagine how I felt. By Friday I was on fire, totally depressed, exhausted, and my eyes were sore and puffy from crying about absolutely nothing!
Thankfully I was able to get my hormone medication Friday afternoon, and then I went home and baked cupcakes for a baby shower the following day. I was able to resist temptation and not eat any, but Saturday at the baby shower I began my unhealthy eating cycle, and Sunday my husband and I ate out twice because I dreaded going through the refrigerator and seeing all the wasted food from me not prepping it properly during the week because I was too exhausted. No matter the reason, I chose avoidance and now am at work feeling like I want to vomit because of greasy food.
If there is a positive out of my weekend weakness, I am definitely aware now of how much better I feel when I am eating healthy and exercising daily. Now I need to suck it up, stop feeling sorry for myself and get back on track. I also need very desperately to figure out my sleep schedule because this current schedule is absolutely kicking my butt and I can't continue on long term like this. Back to one day at a time, and we will hope this weekend is much better than the weekend was.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Not enough time in the day
Yesterday was a good day for the most part. My friend Jenna and I got together last Friday and prepared and cooked the food for the whole upcoming week, which was so nice! With my husband and my busy lifestyle it is nice to have everything ready to go, so we have food to eat that is easy for when we are really tired or in a hurry. I am really hoping that she and I can get together every week to do it, but we will have to see where our schedules land. At this point she is totally into it as am I. Having the food ready and my kitchen void of any unhealthy food makes temptation very low for me, and I honestly enjoy the food that we cook, which is great! The Biggest Loser diet books have some killer yummy recipes, and for the first time ever I am learning when I am full, and I am able to know my portion sizes and am learning how to listen to my body instead of eating until I a stuffed.
I spent the day with my beautiful daughter and had a great time, though after working night shift I am very tired. I really hope that at some point in our life I will be able to get my schedule back to swing shift which is the best for my life, and it also lets us avoid putting our daughter in daycare. Ideally I would love to be able to work from home exclusively, selling Scentsy and selling sewing crafts from home, and being able to make a living at it. But for now I will work night shift, and I am grateful to have a job, and I enjoy being a caregiver and being able to help people. It makes me feel good.
I need to learn to budget my time a little better though, and be more self-disciplined about it. I am relaxed and go with the flow which is necessary with a toddler; however I need to sleep more in the evening before I go to work. Last night I did better at that than I have in a while. Unfortunately I am averaging 5 total hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, which is not great especially for my body and my weak immune system. My goal for this week is to set a schedule for myself and do my best to stick to it. I know my outlook will be much better once I get my sleep patterns more regular.
After my husband got home I went to the gym and had a great workout. The only struggle I face there is that genetics and weight have dealt me a painful blow with food problems. I walk on my big toes, therefore I deal with bunions and stress fractures. As I lose more weight I hope this issue will calm down significantly. I will take one day at a time, and if the pain gets bad I can always ride the bike instead of run.
Forgive the ramblings for the day, but some days are just meant for freewriting, and ignoring the urge to polish and organize all thoughts. Sometimes it is nice to just let go and write.
I spent the day with my beautiful daughter and had a great time, though after working night shift I am very tired. I really hope that at some point in our life I will be able to get my schedule back to swing shift which is the best for my life, and it also lets us avoid putting our daughter in daycare. Ideally I would love to be able to work from home exclusively, selling Scentsy and selling sewing crafts from home, and being able to make a living at it. But for now I will work night shift, and I am grateful to have a job, and I enjoy being a caregiver and being able to help people. It makes me feel good.
I need to learn to budget my time a little better though, and be more self-disciplined about it. I am relaxed and go with the flow which is necessary with a toddler; however I need to sleep more in the evening before I go to work. Last night I did better at that than I have in a while. Unfortunately I am averaging 5 total hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, which is not great especially for my body and my weak immune system. My goal for this week is to set a schedule for myself and do my best to stick to it. I know my outlook will be much better once I get my sleep patterns more regular.
After my husband got home I went to the gym and had a great workout. The only struggle I face there is that genetics and weight have dealt me a painful blow with food problems. I walk on my big toes, therefore I deal with bunions and stress fractures. As I lose more weight I hope this issue will calm down significantly. I will take one day at a time, and if the pain gets bad I can always ride the bike instead of run.
Forgive the ramblings for the day, but some days are just meant for freewriting, and ignoring the urge to polish and organize all thoughts. Sometimes it is nice to just let go and write.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Introduction
Well here goes!
My name is Lindsay. I have always been very guarded about myself and my weight, but I made the decision that I would share my journey of chronic pain and weight loss and better health in the hope that I may learn more about myself, and that others may benefit through my journey of self-exploration. I have chosen to include details about my conditions in the effort to spread awareness, instead of hiding behind them anymore.
I grew up a very athletic and high energy person, always playing sports, eating right, and taking good care of myself. At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with Stage IV Endometriosis, and began having to have surgery to remove adhesions from my abdominal cavity almost every year. I struggled to maintain the same active lifestyle I was used to due to chronic pain and high doses of hormones to try to slow the progression of the disease.
By the age of 20 I was diagnosed with a degenerative bladder disease called Interstitial Cystitis. I was put on a medication to manage this condition, and was also put on a low acid diet to try to help with the Hunner's Ulcers that I had developed inside my bladder. Basically this condition robs you of your bladder lining and everything you consume from food and drink to vitamins goes through your bladder and you feel as if you have a bladder infection all the time, and is also met with the constant urge to pee, making exercise and sports extremely difficult with debilitating bladder spasms.
At the age of 25 I had already had 6 laparoscopic surgeries for endometriosis, and was now dealing with yearly abdominal surgeries to excise the endometriosis which took over my abdomen at an extremely rapid rate, and now with that surgery I was also having bladder hydrodistention to stretch out my shrinking bladder in the effort to provide me with some relief.
I did not want to medicate myself into a coma from the pain I was dealing with, and I began to feel depressed from both the hormones (I went through chemical menopause several times to try to slow progression of my disease) and from my extremely restricted diet and malnutrition as a result. Sleep was extremely difficult between getting up almost hourly from pain and having to pee. Chronic exhaustion resulted.
My dream job of modeling that I had achieved was cut short due to my pain, and lack of sleep made me feel sick most of the time. The calls for modeling jobs gradually stopped, and my grades in college suffered because of my constant exhaustion and depression.
So began my self medication through comfort eating. Since I was unable to eat most fruits, red meats, and many vegetables or anything else that was acidic, I started leaning toward anything else I could eat without pain. The hormones made me have severe cravings, and also put on weight without even doing anything. My activity level dropped severely and my eating habits got extremely unbalanced. I simply stopped caring.
When I was 18 I was blessed to meet the man of my dreams who became my husband in 2006. He was and is a constant pillar of support through all of my struggles with my health, and did everything he could to be there for me. My family, extended family and friends also have been there for me through everything as well which has been a blessing, but has also let me become lazy because I have unconditional love from such a large network that I have never had to worry about what anyone would think.
In 2011 I was surprised to find out we were expecting a baby even though I had been told my several doctors that pregnancy was a slim to impossible endeavor due to all of my health problems. We found out I was pregnant after I was in a freak automobile accident that beat up my body but luckily didn't hurt my baby. A CAT scan revealed that I was 20 weeks pregnant, and within days of finding out we were going to have a baby we found out we were to be blessed with a little girl. Luckily the radiation from the CAT scan did not hurt my daughter, and the scan was done only because I didn't know I was pregnant.
As was my body's usual style from having immunosupressive tendencies I developed preeclampsia then eclampsia and had to have my daughter 5 weeks early through emergency c-section. She was healthy and perfect, but my body struggled to heal from the surgery, and by December of last year I had to go in for surgery to have a complete hysterectomy and c-section scar revision, and also bladder hydrodistention.
For the first time in over 15 years I am now without the pain of endometriosis plaguing everything I do, and am left to deal only with my Interstitial Cystitis that I will have for the rest of my life as it is an incurable condition. My husband and I made the decision to live a healthier lifestyle with the Biggest Loser diet and regular exercise, and for the last two weeks have been doing a great job. It is our new lifestyle for us, not a diet. We have made the commitment to continue on this journey to health and wellness.
My husband only has 20 pounds to lose, and I have three times that. I have learned to forgive myself for what my body has become and since doing so have lost almost 10 pounds in two weeks. I know every week won't be as good as these two and I will encounter temptations and hit walls when I have flare ups that make exercising difficult, but I am determined to make this work. My body will forever be a challenge for me, but I have made the commitment to be healthier for myself, my daughter and husband, and to hopefully show others who deal with chronic pain that it is possible to overcome and to be successful.
My name is Lindsay. I have always been very guarded about myself and my weight, but I made the decision that I would share my journey of chronic pain and weight loss and better health in the hope that I may learn more about myself, and that others may benefit through my journey of self-exploration. I have chosen to include details about my conditions in the effort to spread awareness, instead of hiding behind them anymore.
I grew up a very athletic and high energy person, always playing sports, eating right, and taking good care of myself. At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with Stage IV Endometriosis, and began having to have surgery to remove adhesions from my abdominal cavity almost every year. I struggled to maintain the same active lifestyle I was used to due to chronic pain and high doses of hormones to try to slow the progression of the disease.
By the age of 20 I was diagnosed with a degenerative bladder disease called Interstitial Cystitis. I was put on a medication to manage this condition, and was also put on a low acid diet to try to help with the Hunner's Ulcers that I had developed inside my bladder. Basically this condition robs you of your bladder lining and everything you consume from food and drink to vitamins goes through your bladder and you feel as if you have a bladder infection all the time, and is also met with the constant urge to pee, making exercise and sports extremely difficult with debilitating bladder spasms.
At the age of 25 I had already had 6 laparoscopic surgeries for endometriosis, and was now dealing with yearly abdominal surgeries to excise the endometriosis which took over my abdomen at an extremely rapid rate, and now with that surgery I was also having bladder hydrodistention to stretch out my shrinking bladder in the effort to provide me with some relief.
I did not want to medicate myself into a coma from the pain I was dealing with, and I began to feel depressed from both the hormones (I went through chemical menopause several times to try to slow progression of my disease) and from my extremely restricted diet and malnutrition as a result. Sleep was extremely difficult between getting up almost hourly from pain and having to pee. Chronic exhaustion resulted.
My dream job of modeling that I had achieved was cut short due to my pain, and lack of sleep made me feel sick most of the time. The calls for modeling jobs gradually stopped, and my grades in college suffered because of my constant exhaustion and depression.
So began my self medication through comfort eating. Since I was unable to eat most fruits, red meats, and many vegetables or anything else that was acidic, I started leaning toward anything else I could eat without pain. The hormones made me have severe cravings, and also put on weight without even doing anything. My activity level dropped severely and my eating habits got extremely unbalanced. I simply stopped caring.
When I was 18 I was blessed to meet the man of my dreams who became my husband in 2006. He was and is a constant pillar of support through all of my struggles with my health, and did everything he could to be there for me. My family, extended family and friends also have been there for me through everything as well which has been a blessing, but has also let me become lazy because I have unconditional love from such a large network that I have never had to worry about what anyone would think.
In 2011 I was surprised to find out we were expecting a baby even though I had been told my several doctors that pregnancy was a slim to impossible endeavor due to all of my health problems. We found out I was pregnant after I was in a freak automobile accident that beat up my body but luckily didn't hurt my baby. A CAT scan revealed that I was 20 weeks pregnant, and within days of finding out we were going to have a baby we found out we were to be blessed with a little girl. Luckily the radiation from the CAT scan did not hurt my daughter, and the scan was done only because I didn't know I was pregnant.
As was my body's usual style from having immunosupressive tendencies I developed preeclampsia then eclampsia and had to have my daughter 5 weeks early through emergency c-section. She was healthy and perfect, but my body struggled to heal from the surgery, and by December of last year I had to go in for surgery to have a complete hysterectomy and c-section scar revision, and also bladder hydrodistention.
For the first time in over 15 years I am now without the pain of endometriosis plaguing everything I do, and am left to deal only with my Interstitial Cystitis that I will have for the rest of my life as it is an incurable condition. My husband and I made the decision to live a healthier lifestyle with the Biggest Loser diet and regular exercise, and for the last two weeks have been doing a great job. It is our new lifestyle for us, not a diet. We have made the commitment to continue on this journey to health and wellness.
My husband only has 20 pounds to lose, and I have three times that. I have learned to forgive myself for what my body has become and since doing so have lost almost 10 pounds in two weeks. I know every week won't be as good as these two and I will encounter temptations and hit walls when I have flare ups that make exercising difficult, but I am determined to make this work. My body will forever be a challenge for me, but I have made the commitment to be healthier for myself, my daughter and husband, and to hopefully show others who deal with chronic pain that it is possible to overcome and to be successful.
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